Mike got home from fishing after dark the other night. I was already in bed watching tv. I asked him if he caught anything. He said “I got one bite. That’s one more bite than I got last time I went.” I always try to picture myself in a situation and think through so I can appreciate the circumstances and understand the outcome, no matter the scenario. After much thought, I feel I may need to give him a few tips on his hobby. You see, when I do my shoe shopping hobby, I catch one pretty much everytime. Sometimes several. Don’t worry man, I’m here for you…

When it’s just me and Nathan Camp in the office and I have to go to the bathroom, I always hollar and tell him so she’ll answer the phone. Every once in awhile I don’t notice people in his office. I sometimes wonder what they think when the grown woman announces she’s going potty. I think we’re good as long as they don’t see the gold star and sucker he gives me afterwards for a job well done…

I like a banana with my coffee in the morning but I want it a certain way. It can’t be green but it can’t have any brown or black on the peel. After years of buying and throwing away countless bananas, I have figured out the secret. I have to buy 2 bananas at a time, bag them separate, carry them in myself and lay them away from any other fruit or household hazards that may bump them. Maybe I need to switch to grapes. They are a much more forgiving fruit.

You might be a Redneck Realtor if the directions on getting into a house include: “The key is hanging in the shed above the dead snake.”

I asked my vet if she had any tips for us giving Butterbean her medicine. She sent me a video of her easily giving a cat a pill. I showed it to Mike and asked if it would help him in the process. He said “No, the cat in that video looks nothing like a running chainsaw.”

Last night after seeing the news about Mike’s dream girl, Sandra Bullock, having a stalker, He said he was glad he didn’t approach her at the airport. He followed this by “I would just like to fry her some chicken and talk to her awhile.” I said “Seriously? That’s the only reason you would want to meet her?” He nodded and said “Well, that’s all you’d want Harrison Ford for, isn’t it?” Anyone else hear those crickets?

Just FYI, when you’re sitting in the driver’s seat of your husband’s truck with the boat trailer in the water and him trying to load it, “Hold on” and “Go on” sound a lot alike. That’s all I’ve got to say about that… So let me get this straight… The men get up before dawn, dress head to toe in the color of tree and go sit in the woods making female turkey noises trying to lure a lovesick male in so they can blow his head off and eat him? And you people think I’m warped?

Mike leaves all his receipts for me to log in the checkbook, on the kitchen counter. The other day, I took the pile and wrote them all down. I went online to balance it and I had a purchase from a place called “Stubby Steve” but no receipt. Pretty sure that wasn’t me. Mike was in the woods and I couldn’t get him via text to see if I had a fraudulent charge or if in fact he did know a “Stubby Steve”. I then had to spend the rest of the day imagining what “Stubby Steve” sells. Apparently “Stubby” sells fishing lures and Mike has learned how to order online. Oh, joy…